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Zarana the Teenage Terrorist #1 – “Dad is Half the Battle!”

Posted on February 7, 2023November 12, 2023 by phil.wrede
The COBRA-affiliated terrorist Zarana stands in front of a brick wall, across from her “father,” the G.I. JOE code-named Outback. The title of this comic strip, “Zarana the Teenage Terrorist in… ‘Dad is half the battle!’” (stylized to resemble the title of the ‘Sabrina the Teenage Witch’ sitcom title) is visible at the top of the image.
Zarana tells her father that her new boyfriend will be arriving shortly, and that he absolutely needs to be nice to him. Also, this new boyfriend has amazing hair! Outback says he’ll try to be nice, but if this new boyfriend is a COBRA boy again, he can’t make any promises.
Around the corner, and aboard a COIL motorcycle, the twin’d terrorist Tomax (brother of Xamot) steps off and combs his hair by using the blade of his knife as a mirror.
As Tomax joins Zarana and Outback, Zarana is so overcome with emotion that she throws herself into Tomax’s arms and they kiss passionately. Outback grumbles to himself that he never should have gotten the internet.
Outback awkwardly interrupts the make-out session; Tomax quips that he’ll get his filling back from Zarana later. She introduces Tomax to her dad, and Tomax forgets their last name, making a stellar first impression.
Outback threatens to kick Tomax with his huge boots, so Tomax immediately takes his hands off Zarana and apologies profusely.
Outback then threatens to beat Tomax with the utility flashlight he carries, and so both Zarana and Tomax pull knives on him, demanding Outback approve of their relationship.
Outback calls his trusty crocodile friend, Fiona, to the scene. Zarana pleads with Tomax to run away.
Tomax tries to scramble to safety, with Fiona hot on his heels. Outback laughs, and Zarana yells at her father.
The credits for this comic strip, including the photographer(s) who took the images used as background photography, the use of particular fonts created by Blambot, the ownership of G.I. JOE by Hasbro, the creation of G.I. JOE characters by actual factual people, and the character photography/script/lettering by me, Phil Wrede.
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Because I grew up in the 80s and 90s, I spent a lot of time watching cartoons and sitcoms. So, what I present to you here is kind of a blend of those two storytelling forms, filtered through my preferred toy comic medium. It’s kind of in the spirit of the GI JOE PSA parodies (though far less chaotically entertaining than any of those).

The idea for this comic absolutely would not have come to me without an Instagram comment made by Sean McGuinness, the artist behind Neo Monster Island. Also, the COIL motorcycle that Tomax rides in on, it was a gift from a friend who’s been very supportive of my toy comic projects from the early going, Jonathen Hansen. Because I’m a big believer in giving credit where it’s due, and in suggesting people look at awesome things, I’m strongly suggesting you go and take a look at their work.

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Destro & Son #2 – “Do Unto Others!”
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Zarana the Teenage Terrorist #2 – “Vacation is Half the Battle!”

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Welcome to PizzaRat dot Net, where I (Phil Wrede) post my toy comics!

The Idea

Comics, but with photos, instead of drawings.

The Process

Using stock photos as backgrounds, and digitally pasting photos of action figures over them. Graphic design software enables the lettering.

The Point

To make comics, to share stories, and to retroactively justify all the money I've spent on action figures over the years.

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