Deadpool & Psylocke #1!

In the bathroom of his apartment, Deadpool takes a bath in the tub (still wearing his costume). In a text box in the upper left corner, the comedic preface is explained: “Mutants! Feared and rejected by a world they have to live in. Some tread the path walked by Charles Xavier (you know what I mean), while others find their own ways. Others, like… Deadpool & Psylocke!” The title of this comic - “#@%$ your sudden, inevitable betrayal!” - is visible in the middle of the image.

As she sits on the living room couch, Psylocke shouts to Deadpool that the frozen pizza they put in the oven is almost ready. Deadpool sits up in shock in the bathtub, reminded not only of the pizza, but that he gets to pick the movie they watch with tonight’s dinner, too!

Belaboring the point, Psylocke reminds Deadpool that she’s settled on the couch, and won’t lift a finger to help him so long as she’s there. Frantic now, Deadpool leaps out of the bathtub, and a large red image of his head covers his crotch (which wouldn’t have been exposed, anyway, since he’s in his costume, but I still think it looks funny).

Deadpool runs into the living room, declaring his intention to hurdle the couch on his way to the kitchen. Frustratedly, Psylocke pushes herself up, so that she’s no longer lying down, growing suspicious that the plan Deadpool is stating is not the one he has in his mind…

Deadpool leaps above the couch, forcing Psylocke to leap off of it, and cede her comfortable position. Then, he comes crashing down on it, totally halting his supposed “progress” into the kitchen.

An advertisement, where Deadpool poses in front of Doctor Octopus from 2004’s Spider-Man 2, encouraging the reader to think about the dangers of A.I. in the context of what happened to ol’ Doc Ock!

Back to the story, where Deadpool admits that his plan all along was to force Psylocke off the couch and into the kitchen. She orders him to find his movie before she returns with the pizza.

Deadpool crawls around on the floor, eventually finding a VHS tape tucked into a nearly-forgotten corner near the couch.

Deadpool lifts the tape, a copy of the original Terminator film, and stares at it lovingly until Psylocke finally returns. Annoyed, she realizes that he was whispering sweet nothings at the movie, and not her.

Psylocke makes the mistake of calling the movie “Terminator,” not “The Terminator,” and Deadpool makes a whole thing about it.

It’s unclear whether intentionally, or by mistake, but either way, Psylocke drops the pizza, and Deadpool has to dive to save it from falling on the floor. Slightly proud of herself, Psylocke explains to Deadpool that he’s going to have to carry it to the couch, now.

Another advertisement - actually, two, that split the page in half horizontally. On the top, Deadpool points shotguns at Tobey Maguire’s Spider-Man, advising to the readers that, “Friends don’t let friends get bit by radioactive spiders!” On the bottom, Deadpool advertises for Arcade’s Casino, telling the readers that every time somebody places a bet “through the blockchain,” the casino pays him a bonus!

Deadpool tries to stoke Psylocke’s motor for the movie, but is totally unsuccessful. He sits next to her, as the movie begins to play, and can’t even convince her to eat the pizza with him.

The movie begins, and Deadpool knows that something is… off. It doesn’t begin correctly, as a man in S.W.A.T. team-like gear walks onscreen, and immediately begins shooting at the Terminator (who is dressed).

The Terminator dodges out of the way of the bullets, and Deadpool has to pause the movie. “The Terminator… sure as #%&$ doesn’t dodge!!” he explains to Psylocke. She is, again, nonplussed at best, and convinces him to continue the movie. The next face he sees on the screen is somebody he is convinced is “Magnum %+$-sucking P.I.” (Tom Selleck, of course, is not in The Terminator).

This mystery man (whom Deadpool calls, “Magnum, %)(-guzzling, P.-&#%@ing-I.”) rushes the Terminator from behind a stack of crates, holding a machete, and somehow manages to surprise the Terminator, knock it down, and kill it, all of which should be impossible, and don’t happen in the movie, anyway!

Deadpool has to stop the movie this time, and ejects the tape. Upon close examination, he sees that the words, “Raging Eagle Films,” are printed beneath the title label. He looks this organization up on the internet, and Psylocke feels her interest continuing to wane.

Cursory research on the internet indicates that “Raging Eagle Films” distributes re-edited versions of classic films, with, “no satire, no swears, and absolutely NO SEX.” Not only do they cut scenes out, they also insert new ones, to “minimize the risk of any original thought.” Deadpool wonders how their people broke into his apartment, and replaced his tape with their own.

Deadpool declares that Psylocke needs to use her telepathic abilities to send him deep into his own memories, so that he can expunge them of the re-edited Terminator footage, and accurately recreate the movie in his own mind.

Psylocke reluctantly agrees. Deadpool goes to “suit up.”

Deadpool emerges from his bedroom with a pair of swords on his back, and complains that the extra weight strains the seams of his costume in uncomfortable places.

The final advertisement of the comic, where Deadpool has his arm around an officially-licensed-by-the-Kirby-estate action figure of Jack “The King” Kirby, encouraging people to apply to the fictional King’s Correspondence Art School. The King (who’s never addressed by name) claims not to recognize Deadpool, which makes ol’ Wade Wilson sad.

Back to the story again, where Psylocke is asking Deadpool why he put on a pair of swords before taking a psychic journey. Deadpool inadvertently admits that he misunderstood the cave scene from Empire Strikes Back as he tries to explain his reason.

Psylocke tells Deadpool that she thinks this idea is really stupid, and Deadpool actually makes a profound point for once: “Think about how much more, stupider #$*% I’d do if I wasn’t watching my movies.” This immediately convinces Psylocke.

Psylocke activates her psychic abilities, and tries out a new catch phrase: “Psy on!”

Neither she, nor Deadpool, like her new catch phrase. She reaches for Deadpool’s head, her fingers glowing pink.

Psylocke orders Deadpool to focus on the most intense memories he has related to The Terminator, and his eyes glow bright pink as she touches his head.

Deadpool takes a journey back through his memories, inside his own mind, as giant glowing heads of the Terminator, Psylocke, and Magnum P.I. float by and speak to him.

As Deadpool drools, and mumbles incoherently, Psylocke gently leads him back to the couch, and makes him sit down. “…If you die in your memories, do you die in real life?” she wonders aloud. “I can’t recall!”

Deadpool finishes his journey, and lands in his dated, dystopian, sci-fi mindscape. “Aww, shootie…” he says, and draws his swords.

The credits for the comic strip, citing the Unsplash users whose photographs were the background art, the use of fonts by Blambot, the ownership of Marvel by Disney, the creation of Marvel characters by actual human beings, the use of stock visual effects by Action VFX, the creators of The Terminator and Spider-Man 2 films, a declaration of respect for the legacy of Jack Kirby, and, finally, that the figure photography/script/lettering were by me, Phil Wrede.

I wasn’t much of a Deadpool fan until the first movie. I hadn’t actually even planned to see the first one in the theater, but I had recently (in 2016, recently) gone to see some movie where the projector had broken, and the theater manager gave us all free passes to come back for another movie, another time (in lieu of actually refunding our money, but complaining about that would be a task for a whole other kind of blog). I was encouraged to use the pass on a Deadpool screening by my wife (she was my girlfriend, then), and I was utterly shocked by how charmed I was by the movie. I went back and paid to go see it a second time, even! I have my own complaints about both movies; I think my issues with the second one are more difficult to handwave away than the ones with the first, but D2ADPOOL has enough to recommend it, too.

So, why have I, a person who’s still not much of a Deadpool fan, produced the longest comic I’ve ever made (ever!) starring him? Part of it came out of needing to retroactively justify buying some of the more expensive action figures I’ve bought since I started my toy comic projects. I was looking over the box where I store them, and the idea sort of started swimming into my head, as many of my favorite ideas have. It became clear pretty quickly that it was going to be a stretch – it would need to be longer than any single comic I’d done before, and it would require an aesthetic focus that I hadn’t really needed to employ before. Another part came from wanting to relax a little bit, and work on a project a little less engaged with the present state of the world (as I really hope the Phil Wrede Marvel Action Figure Comic Universe often is).

It’s funny, to me, to say that I wanted to make my Deadpool comic for purely artistic reasons, but that’s the truth!

I’ve been working on this one comic, off and on, for most of 2024, to the point that it’s been like a hobby within a hobby. Turning Deadpool into something of a toxic movie nerd wasn’t at all the intention, when I started out developing this idea; it happened very naturally, without my even noticing it at first, which I’m worried says something about my own toxic movie nerd tendencies. I’ve been working hard to suppress them, for years, and that’s the closest I’ll ever come to being Mark Ruffalo.

Obviously, this is meant to be the first in a series of issues where Deadpool saves the action movie universe, but I can’t make any guarantees about how fast they’ll get turned out. This is, theoretically, the least-complicated of the entire series, and it’s taken me almost half a year to produce. If it’s worth doing, though, I’ll keep at it…

(Speaking of keeping at things: I usually don’t have time to show anybody my comics before they get posted, but this time, I can thank my wife, and my friends Thara and Tim for taking a look-see, and giving me notes. You, dear reader, have had a massively improved reading experience, thanks to their suggestions!)

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